'A Loud House Christmas' Review

    In 2021, we have seen The Loud House go feature length, first with August's The Loud House Movie, released to Netflix, and now a live action television movie A Loud House Christmas, which premiered November 26. Upon its announcement in February 2020, it raised a lot of eyebrows and unfavorable comparisons to the trilogy of live action Fairly OddParents movies. Heck, both even cast the respective father's voice actor to reprise the role, in this case Brian Stepanek as Lynn Loud, Sr. Speaking of, the casting here in general is exquisite, everyone does well, even Charlotte Anne Tucker and Lainey Jane Knowles, who turn Lily into a slightly older toddler than she is on the show at this point. The costume and set design mimic the show perfectly, it's really beautiful in that way. But what is this latest Christmas story from the Louds about?

     The film opens with the "Loud Christmas" variation of the theme song, and Lincoln in his room talking to the audience. I'm not sure how often he even does that anymore. He's finally gotten his brand new toboggan that can fit the entire family at once, after accruing money from all sorts of chores and chore-related favors. Each member of the family gets shown off one by one, though the twins and parents are together. Lori has decided to go to Bobby's for Christmas because it's closer to campus. Lincoln starts freaking because he won't get the full family toboggan experience. It gets worse when Luna revealed Sam invited her to go skiing with her family, which means she's gone. Luan and a perfectly-recreated Mr. Coconuts have a gig at the Sunset Canyon retirement home where Pop Pop is, so that apparently takes her out of the running. So the parents decide to take everyone else to Miami. Even Lily is excited because she's an easily distracted toddler who can quickly forget excitement about one thing, like doing the tree lighting at the Royal Woods Mall, in favor of something else entirely, like the trip. A trip where Lincoln definitely can't use the toboggan. 

    So Lincoln starts scheming with Clyde, sending Lori their dad's figgy pudding to cause her to reverse her decision, while they concoct a hoax known as the Sharkodile (a shark-crocodile hybrid of course) to scare the family off from going to Miami. Amusingly, the components come from Clyde's dads' productions of musical versions of Jaws and Lake Placid. But then, here's where the plan starts crossing lines. The boys impersonate Mick Swagger over the phone to pry Luna away from her ski trip with Sam, and steal a mannequin from the department store that Leni works at to play the Sharkodile's victim. It's a mannequin she befriends and calls Tonya, but that's Leni for ya. The boys then infiltrate Sunset Canyon to tank her reputation by setting up pranks. A final pie in the face of Pop Pop, who was willing to stand up for her, seals the deal. I found both of these especially cruel and out of character for Lincoln, because the extent he went would be lasting and damaging. The attack is then filmed, and somehow, the local news picks it up, and can't seem to realize how fake it is. In fact, no one does. Everyone just falls for it, quickly dismissing the breeding mechanics, after Rip Hardcore spreads his narrative and hawks his book of alleged expertisse. I don't think any of them were this dumb on the show. None of them believe in "trust but verify", Lincoln begins acting with conspicuous avoidance to hide his involvement and it's incredibly obnoxious. 

    Lori and Bobby also get stranded out in the cold, already freezing, because the moped runs out of gas, another cruelty caused by Lincoln's selfishness. Oh, and Bobby is for some reason played by a Caucasian dude, which feels incredibly wrong. Back at home, Lincoln tours the house to find just how miserable everyone is. Luna has lost her musical muse, having betrayed Sam for Mick Swagger. Leni got fired for losing Tonya. Lynn Jr. is depressed because she can't see a Dolphins game. Even Hops, Lana's frog, is in a funk. Luan considers quitting comedy. Nobody's happy because Lincoln wanted to be happy. Dad gets sprayed with Lisa's sharkodile immobilizing solution, which admittedly was pretty funny and a great use of Stepanek's comedic talents. He's kind of in a dazed and confused state for much of the rest of the film. Mom has to go rescue Bobby and Lori after they call. All this chaos and then footage surfaces of the sharkodile's "arrival", when Lincoln and Clyde were transporting it for storage. So the mall tree lighting they were back to doing gets canceled because the town is whipped up in fear yet again! Katherine Mulligan, the reporter, is played by Cat Taber, the voice of Lori. Christmas is ruined, so Lincoln tries to turn himself in. Mulligan doesn't believe him! So he's driving the Sharkodile through town, in chase by Hardcore, just to prove it to her. He even destroys the mall! So much trouble, and he finally confesses to the family, it's all because he fears growing apart, and just wanting to be together? All this damage and he's so easily forgiven, it just didn't sit right with me. To me, he didn't earn getting to be part of the festivities. Growing up and change are both hard, but it's not an excuse. He even gets his toboggan fixed as everyone gathers for Christmas Day. All the things that were planned before Lincoln's sabotage took place will happen once the presents are opened. At least Lincoln didn't get completely absolved. He has 300 hours of community service, which is at least something satisfying. Lisa makes a snow day so the toboggan, which has fourteen riders with Clyde, could actually have its use and be ridden. Guess it was bigger rebuilt.

Yes, A Loud House Christmas feels like a regular Loud House event, but too much rubbed me the wrong way. I think I'd give this a 3.5 out of 5, but a 6 out of 10. It's not an equivalent rating but I think the demerits need to be adjusted for the bigger scale. I will say, the credits with the animated and live action counterparts is a pretty nice treat. Thank you for reading.